Becoming a mother has changed the way actress Zahirah Macwilson approaches her career.
After welcoming son Isaac Raees in 2021 and daughter Inara Raisa in 2024 with husband Aiman Hakim Ridza, the 31-year-old says she has become far more selective about the stories she wants to tell.
“I feel like I need to tell stories that will benefit not just myself, but the public as well,” she tells StarLifestyle.
“And of course, once you become a mother, your children become the top priority. It’s only natural that everything you do you take them into account.
“Like I want my children to see me in a certain way – as a good role model, as someone who fights for the right causes and tries to do the right thing.
“So the roles I choose now have to align with that,” she reasons.
As it happened, her current role in Astro Shaw’s Good Boys Go To Heaven fits that bill.
Starring opposite Beto Kusyairy, Zahirah plays a mother who endures hell after her son goes missing and is later found dead... possibly murdered.
The series not only looks at children going missing – an issue that continues to make headlines in Malaysia – but also themes of grief and trauma.
Despite the role ticking all the right boxes, Zahirah almost turned it down as she was still caring for her infant daughter when the offer came about.
She was also been busy running her cosmetics business, Mixy.
It was only after the series’ director-producer Ariff Zulkarnain insisted they meet in person that she came around.
Ariff shares with StarLifestyle: “She came to the office fully prepared to say no. But after I spent about 15 minutes talking to her – sharing the story, the character and the vision for the show – she suddenly burst into tears.
“She said, ‘You know what? Sign me up. I want to do this’.”
What convinced Ariff that Zahirah was the perfect actress for Good Boys Go To Heaven was her work in the 2023 series Metro Crime Series: Siapa Lelaki Itu? where she played a crime reporter chasing a big story.
“I knew she could handle the heavy subject matter in Good Boys Go To Heaven,” says Ariff who previously helmed the hit show One Cent Thief.
“Honestly, she delivered exactly what I expected, and more. She has the emotional depth for this kind of character. Sometimes an actor just needs the right material and guidance, and she proved that here,” he adds.
Filming – which took place for almost two months in Taiping, Perak – wasn’t easy for Zahirah.
“I had to put myself in that situation and imagine losing my own child – which is something I could never even fathom.
“Even thinking about it would make me teary,” the actress says.
“But I had to force myself to go there, to think the unimaginable.
“I remember after filming a heavy scene in the first episode, I called my son and immediately burst into tears just hearing his voice.
“It really hit me – I wouldn’t wish that kind of pain on anyone,” Zahirah says.
Describing the shoot as “a draining process”, she recalled crying constantly, both on and off camera.
Luckily, she had her husband and children with her throughout filming.
Although it was tiring having to move from one Airbnb to another, spending time with her family helped her decompress after emotionally taxing scenes.
“I did bring the character home with me a little bit...
“Whenever I had emotional moments, my husband would snap me out of it by joking around with me and our son Isaac. That really helped me reset when I got home,” she says.
The emotionally demanding role obviously comes at a very different stage of life for Zahirah, who is the eldest daughter of former TV3 newscaster and actor Zainol Macwilson.
The Kuala Lumpur-born model-actress spent much of her childhood in London, Britain, before the family moved to Perth, Australia, when she was a teenager.
At 20, the English-Malay actress returned to KL alone for an acting job, and later made her screen debut in the 2015 drama Dunia Generasi Baru.
From there, Zahirah built her career, appearing in a steady stream of Malay dramas and films, not limiting herself to just one project a year.
In 2018 alone, she took on four serials and two films.
Among her better-known works are Mencintaimu, Cik Cinderella Dan Encik Tengku and Jangan Benci Cintaku.
It was also on set in 2018 that she met her future husband while filming Curi-Curi Cinta.
The pair got engaged in 2019 and married a year later.
Looking back, she says the years of constant work early in her career now make it easier to step back when needed.
“I spent the first 10 years of my career working very hard. Now I’m in a position where I can be more selective and choose roles that fit my time and truly resonate with me,” she says.
In our conversation, Zahirah speaks about her parenting style, dealing with trauma and taking a hiatus from acting.
The Q&A have been edited for clarity and brevity.
What made you say yes to Good Boys Go To Heaven?
I think what made me say yes was how challenging the role was.
The storyline and concept also really stood out to me because it touches on a subject that’s still considered quite taboo in our country.
As a mother myself, I felt connected to the story and felt it was important for these kinds of stories to be told.
What spoke to you specifically about the story?
The series shows how grief isn’t always obvious – it can manifest in so many different ways.
That’s why it’s important for us to keep checking in on the people around us, whether it’s family, our kids or even neighbours. No one should ever feel alone.
The series also touches on trauma. What has been your own experience regarding trauma?
I used to be the type who kept everything inside, but that’s actually not healthy.
When you suppress things, it affects the way you work, interact with people and carry yourself.
I’m lucky because I have a very strong support system, especially my husband. I feel comfortable talking to him.
Staying close to my faith and working on that side of myself has also really helped me heal.
I think the first step is acknowledging that you do have trauma or wounds that haven’t healed yet. People need to speak up, reach out and talk to someone.
And if your friends or family members are struggling, encourage them to open up too.
You took a step back from acting for more than three years. How has that time shaped your perspective on work and life?
It gave me time to reflect on what I really want. When I first started, my goals were very career-driven – how many projects I wanted to do or how much I wanted to earn.
Now, it’s about how I want my family and career to grow together. It hasn’t always been easy – there are projects I’ve had to let go of – but I’m clearer about my priorities now.
I also want to try new things and step out of my comfort zone.
How do you and your husband balance childcare and work commitments?
We really try to be as present as possible, even though we have help at home. We take turns bathing them, feeding them, spending time with them – because at the end of the day, they’re our responsibility.
I feel like I need to be there to see them grow, and to see what they become.
The way we do it, it’s not about sacrificing, but complementing each other.
I never want my kids to feel neglected or like work comes first.
This routine has also allowed me to slow down, relax, just enjoy watching them grow and be productive in other ways.
Good Boys Go To Heaven is available on Astro Go, Astro Citra (Ch 108), Sooka and Netflix.
