My wife is about three-quarters of the way through her pregnancy. Over the past few months her pregnancy has involved a number of adjustments and sacrifices on my part, most of which I was expecting, but I wasn't prepared for the severe mood swings. Lately she's been terribly depressed, and it's beginning to take a real toll on our relationship. I've heard a lot about post-partum depression, but is it normal for a woman to be feeling blue before the arrival of a baby? Is there anything I can do to help?

There's nothing abnormal about feeling low during a pregnancy, especially if your wife has a personal or family history of depression. As you may know, a woman's hormones take a roller-coaster ride both during pregnancy and after delivery. It's these hormonal changes that cause postpartum depression or the “baby blues” as they're sometimes called. It only stands to reason that the same hormonal shifts should have the potential to cause similar mood swings before the baby arrives.

Naturally, we can't make any definite statements about your case without knowing a great deal more about you, your wife and your marriage. But we are a bit concerned about the negative impact her condition seems to be having on your relationship. We can't help wondering whether her feelings of sadness might have a non-hormonal origin.

It's possible that they're actually more situational in nature. We'd encourage you to sit down with her and initiate a frank and open discussion of your current circumstances. Is there something besides the pregnancy going on in your lives that may be causing the dip in your wife's emotions? Has your relationship been strong and healthy up to this point, or have you had a history of chronic conflict? Are you supportive and available when she needs your help? Is she under stress from some other source? she's currently working, is she feeling sad about quitting and losing close relationships with co-workers after the baby is born?

Once you've taken some time to sort through these questions, encourage your wife to make an appointment with her obstetrician-gynaecologist for the specific purpose of exploring the source of her depression. The doctor can discuss the various treatment options with her.

If her depression is as severe as you've indicated, the doctor may want to prescribe antidepressant medication. Antidepressants are generally quite safe, but there are risks to taking any type of medication during pregnancy. Your physician will know best how to proceed in your wife's case.

Another option would be a referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist who specialises in something called cognitive-behavioural therapy. This form of counselling has been shown to be effective in treating depression without medication. We would strongly urge that you and your wife speak with a counsellor together.

In the meantime, there are several practical ways in which you can come alongside your wife during this difficult time in her life. When you get home from work, be sensitive enough to put her concerns ahead of your own. Take time to talk with her. Ask her what her day was like and find out how she's feeling.

If you have children, assume an active role in the process of seeing to their needs and getting them ready for bed. Maintain the habit of a regular date night – a meal (fancy or otherwise), a concert, a walk, whatever your imagination and budget can manage – in which the focus is conversation and companionship.

If your hours at work seem to be getting longer, stop and take an honest look at your attitude. Are you listening to the siren song that says your career is more fulfilling than your life at home? If so, find some practical ways to change directions – fast.

This article was extracted by Focus on the Family Malaysia () with permission.