Open letter to Donald J. Trump


  • Opinion
  • Saturday, 05 Mar 2016

You can’t make a Cabinet without breaking moulds

Dear Mr Trump,

On Thursday, the whole world saw yet another huge — I hope it’s okay that I’m borrowing from your not-so-huge vocabulary — sign that you’re very close to becoming the Republican nominee for November’s race to the White House.

In a live televised speech, Mitt Romney, the previous Republican presidential candidate, called you a bunch of names that essentially meant the same (con man, fake, phony, fraud) and warned Americans against voting for you.

That extraordinary move shows that the party elders desperately want to stop you from winning the nomination. Romney argued that if you were to run against the Democratic Party’s Hillary Clinton, it would be easier for her to win, and that’s one huge reason not to let you through to the next stage.

And yet he also said this: “He’s playing the members of the American public for suckers. He gets a free ride to the White House and all we get is a lousy hat.”

And this: “He has neither the temperament nor the judgment to be president and his personal qualities would mean that America would cease to be a shining city on a hill.”

It sounds to me like nobody in the party is ruling out the possibility of you going all the way to Washington DC.

I certainly believe that you can do it, Mr Trump, and I think you’re already thinking far ahead. You’re a very smart man, and I know that to be true because you’ve said so many times.

I also reckon that you’re unlikely to be receptive to advice from a Malaysian journalist because one, you probably don’t care where or what Malaysia is, and two, you once said that it really didn’t matter what the media wrote about you as long as you had an attractive woman by your side.

We can’t print the actual phrase you used to describe such a woman, but your point was that you have little use for the press other than to get your name out there.

But great as you are, you can’t do it all. Nor can you figure out everything yourself.

In your hugely successful businesses, you relied on trusted executives and advisers. After all, the premise of The Apprentice TV series was to pick your next top-level recruit from a pack of hungry, talented people who are willing to be subjected to “The Ultimate Job Interview”. Best of all, I have some pointers to share with you and they won’t cost you a cent. You’re an expert in making deals. What’s not to like about free tips?

After securing the nomination, you need to announce your running mate for the election. He will be the vice-president if you win – okay, when you win.

Next, you and your team will have to work out who should be in the Cabinet and start putting out feelers to the people you have in mind to see if they want to come on board. And of course they’ll want to.

Politicians are not likely to at the top of your list because to you, they’re all talk and no action (yes, that’s a direct quote from you). You’re a maverick who’s not afraid to go with your gut and opt for unconventional solutions. With that in mind, here are my suggestions for the top six Cabinet posts:

> Vice-president: Ivanka Trump

Your decision on who fills this slot can be a game changer. You have a problem with women voters. More specifically, most of them don’t like you. Maybe that’s because you have said so many things about women that there’s this widespread perception that you’re a misogynist.

That’s so unfair because it ignores heartfelt and profound statements from you, such as this one: “I cherish women. I want to help women. I’m going to be able to do things for women that no other candidate would be able to do, and it’s very important to me.”

To combat this image issue, name your daughter Ivanka as your running mate. She has been helping you manage your companies for years and has appeared in The Apprentice as your representative.

And you clearly love and trust her a lot. You’ve said a lot of flattering things about her. A few examples:

“You know who’s one of the great beauties of the world, according to everybody? And I helped create her. Ivanka. My daughter, Ivanka. She’s six feet tall, she’s got the best body. She made a lot money as a model — a tremendous amount.”

“Every guy in the country wants to go out with my daughter.”

“I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.”

Maybe some of these sentiments are a bit icky, but hey, we’re talking about vying to become the President of the United States. I’m sure you agree with me that there’s no room for half measures, Mr Trump.

Plus, the idea of Ivanka being a heartbeat away from the presidency will appeal to a lot of guys.

> Secretary of State: Dennis Rodman

What can be more anti-establishment than a Secretary of State who’s 2m tall, covered in tattoos and piercings, and known to fancy crossdressing once in a while. The former professional basketball player and wrestler is a good fit as the President’s chief foreign affairs adviser because he considers North Korean leader Kim Jong-un “a friend for life” and has visited the hermit kingdom several times already.

It helps too that last July, Rodman tweeted this: “@realDonaldTrump has been a great friend for many years. We don’t need another politician, we need a businessman like Mr. Trump! Trump 2016,”

> Secretary of the Treasury: Donald Trump

The Treasury is the steward of the country’s economic and financial systems, and therefore has a huge influence on the global economy. Why appoint somebody who can never shine in your formidable shadow? You have to take on this job. All that the Americans need to know about your qualification for this office is this line from one of your books: “Rich people are rich because they solve difficult problems.”

> Secretary of Defence: Donald Trump

The Secretary of Defence is the principal defence policy adviser to the President. But you don’t need that. You already have all the answers. After all, you did say there’s nobody bigger or better at the military than you are. America can’t ask for a bigger or better Secretary of Defence.

> Attorney-General: Michael Cohen

Cohen needs to be introduced to the American public. People should know that he’s your executive vice-president and special counsel. His biodata says he’s “actively involved in all legal aspects of development and acquisition and is one of your “primary troubleshooters as it pertains to a host of global projects and partnerships”

He has been called your Jewish wingman and “most loyal ally for nearly a decade”. That’s good enough to earn him the Attorney-General appointment.

> Secretary of the Interior: Martha Stewart

It’s impossible to mention interior and not think of Martha Stewart. Who better to head the agency that manages America’s vast natural and cultural resources than this domestic goddess and founder of the once listed Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia? And the bonus here is that in 2005, there was a spin-off of your huge hit TV series and that was The Apprentice: Martha Stewart. So you guys have plenty in common.

Mr Trump, your nominations for the Cabinet posts will have to be confirmed by the Senate by a simple majority. That may be a huge challenge but I have huge faith in you. What a thrill it will be to see these above named people help you make America great again.

Yours sincerely,

Errol

Executive editor Errol Oh wonders when President Trump will visit Malaysia.


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