Vanida Imran: Listen to your kids

Vanida Imran - star of the Mahsuri theatre production currently being staged at Istana Budaya - says that everything about being a mother gives her joy.

By BRIGITTE ROZARIO

Vanida Imran looks too young to be the mother of an eight-year-old boy and a five-year-old girl. Her fresh face lights up and there's a sparkle in her eye when she talks about her children.

“Everything about motherhood gives me joy,” she says, sitting at the Istana Budaya cafe recently.

“Like when you see your kids grow and sometimes they have some of your characteristics or they repeat the things that you've said before. Then you know that you now determine how your children will be. So you have to be careful what you say and even your behaviour changes because of the children.”

According to Vanida she used to be very short-tempered, getting irritated with the silliest things that people do. Being a mum, she says, has made her more patient.

“I still get short-tempered but with children you have to have a different approach on how to handle things. It makes you a better person.”

Although busy with her acting career which involves shooting and rehearsals, Vanida tries to see her children at least in the mornings.

“I make it a point to sit down and talk to them and ask them how is school, how is Mandarin class and all that.

“I like being with my children. I want to be there. That's why I don't go outstation. I don't want to sacrifice my time for that. I still sacrifice my time but we make sure that either my husband or I am with them at night. They still sleep with us. I believe that when you spend time with your children now, ages one to seven or eight is very crucial, then at least when you're older and you expect them to be around they will be around for you.”

Vanida with husband Rashidi Ishak and their two children. - Photo courtesy Vanida Imran & Rashidi Ishak

Sundays are family time for Vanida. Where shooting is concerned, her rule is that she does not work Sundays. When it comes to theatre rehearsals she has to compromise by agreeing to work half a day on Sundays. But she makes sure she's home in time to spend a bit of time with her children, put them to bed and read them bedtime stories.

“Finding time to be with my children is the hardest thing about being a mum. Being a career woman I have to juggle my schedule for my children. Sometimes when I have to work they complain that I always work too much because sometimes I have to work from morning till night and I don't see them the whole day.

“Then they'll call. Even though I am the disciplinarian and I'm very strict, they still end up calling me and not the father. So even for the tiniest thing they'll call me – like 'Ibu, can I watch TV?' because we limit how much TV they watch to an hour a day during weekdays. Or they'll call to ask, 'Can I watch a CD?' and I'll say 'No CDs.' Or, 'Ibu, can I eat chocolate?'

“But I enjoy it. I feel very important,” she says, smiling.

Vanida doesn't take the children with her to work because she doesn't want to have to handle a situation if they misbehave.

She says her children are innocently aware of how famous she is.

“They might ask me, 'Ibu, my friend came to me and said, 'Eh, emak engkau Vanida Imran, eh?' And my son will reply, 'Ya, kenapa?' And the friend will say 'Oh, mak engkau Vanida Imran …. Eh, betul-lah, mak dia Vanida Imran!'

“Recently I took my daughter to one of my rehearsals because she said she wanted to watch me work for a while. And then she said, 'Ibu, your work is acting, is it?'

“Then only she knew what I do. So I said 'Yeah'. And she asked, 'Only acting?' She's five and only now she understands that I'm an actress but not the whole picture yet.

“They have seen me on TV. In the beginning they asked a lot of questions like 'Why are you not with Abah?', 'Why you marry another person?', 'I don't want that man'.

“So I had to explain to them that it's just acting but they didn't get it then. It is only now that they're gradually beginning to understand what it is that I do,” she says.



As Vanida and her husband Rashidi Ishak are both actors it is not surprising that their children have shown an interest in the creative arts.

“They're into music and acting and I encourage them. My son goes to Chinese school so I send him for Mandarin speech and drama class. That helps to build his confidence in public speaking. Both of them play the piano. They're already asking for dance classes. My daughter is asking for singing class. I would expose them (to the arts) because I think the majority of actors never thought of becoming an actor.

“If they want to do this then go all the way. If they want to do music, then go all the way to Berkelee (College of Music). If they want to do acting, then go all the way to the New York Arts School or whatever. So when you come back you have a degree to fall back on.”

She admits that being a mum is more challenging than acting and to a certain extent it is more rewarding as well.

Whenever her maid goes back for a month (which is every two years), Vanida has to handle the housework, cooking, the children's homework and sending them to school and back.

Although it should get easier as the children grow up, that is not necessarily the case as they still want her attention and insist that she does everything for them.

Coming from a mixed background (her father is Indian and she has relatives who are Eurasian and Chinese) Vanida decided to send her children to a Chinese school as she believes it is multiracial and will teach her children to respect all races and cultures.

Her advice to other mothers?

“Listen to your children. Make time for them. I encourage my children to draw. Normally if I see them in the mornings, I might ask them to draw me a picture today because I need to know what they feel. From their drawings I know how they feel inside. So I encourage them to draw for me all the time.

“Find ways to know about your children, talk to them.

“I have friends who are career mums who tend to overlook these things. They don't make time for their children and they think it's okay to just buy whatever toys that they want. The effect will come later on in our lives when we're older and we need them. Then they're too busy with their lives because that's what we did to them when they were younger because we were too busy with out lives and we never made time for them. They will never learn to value their time with us. If you want your children to value you when you're older and you need them, you have to value them now.”

If Vanida's children follow her fine example they will grow up to be well-mannered, polite, considerate, full of passion and yet never too busy to spend time on the important things in life.