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Sunday, 20 July 2014

Dear Thelma: I'm in love with my handsome but engaged tuition teacher!

A teenager thinks she's falling for her tuition teacher and it's messing up her life. 

Dear Thelma,

I really want to share what I’m thinking right now with someone. But I feel weird talking about these things with other people. I met my tuition teacher this year. And I feel that I’m falling for him. I’ve tried to overcome this feeling but I can’t. He is 30 years old, I think, and he just got engaged last year. He is going to get married soon. 

I feel that he is handsome, and that’s probably the only reason I’m falling for him because I don’t know much about him. I can’t concentrate on my studies currently, because I’m often thinking about him. What am I supposed to do now? I don’t know how to forget him. Any idea how I can forget him? Please help me. I know this whole thing sounds disgusting, but please, I highly appreciate your advice. Dreaming Hannah

Dear Dreaming Hannah,

No, this does not sound disgusting at all. And, you need not feel ashamed to speak of things like this. You are a teenager and things like this are bound to happen. It is common and normal.

Your reticence on talking about it to others is understandable, though. He is not only your teacher but also a lot older than you. Plus, he is going to be married.

What you are experiencing is simply a crush. It is an infatuation. Like you mentioned – your tuition teacher is handsome and that has attracted you to him. You may think it is love. It probably has all the “symptoms” one associates with love. You think about him all the time; everything he says and does is magic; your heart skips a beat when he is in the room; and all those other things that songs, movies and romance novels tell us points to love.

I don’t mean to trivialise your feelings, but what you are experiencing is not love. These are all part of the attraction you are feeling for your teacher. When you are with him, your brain and body are responding to so-called feel good hormones that produce a pleasant feeling in you, thus making you believe that you are in love.

Love comes from knowing someone. It grows through time. It may not always be a pleasant experience, and fighting is a normal thing to expect when two people fall in love. It is not the perpetual honeymoon that everyone expects it to be. But, when two people love each other, they will be able to work through their differences and forge ahead together.

Back to you – you have to now manage this crush you are experiencing. Tell yourself that it is just that. What you are feeling is just your body and brain telling you that you are in the presence of an attractive male.

It would probably also help if you stepped back, and take a look at the hard facts and swallow the bitter pill called reality. Your tuition teacher is a lot older than you. Also, he is engaged and will be married to someone else. Your feelings for him will come to naught. You have absolutely no future together.

Accepting this will not only help you manage your thoughts about him. It will also help reduce any heartache or pain that will come when reality finally sets in.

As a student, you have responsibilities to your school work and exams. You need to put aside these distracting thoughts and feelings, and concentrate on the task in front of you. It will be hard at first, but if you are persistent, it can be done.

You are young and you will find that in time to come, you will have plenty of opportunity to meet people, and experience love and all its splendour. And, then, you will realise that everything happens in due time. – Thelma

> Is something bothering you? Do you need a listening ear or a shoulder to lean on? Thelma is here to help. Write to: Dear Thelma, c/o Star2 Features Central, Menara Star (Level 3A), 15 Jalan 16/11, 46350 Petaling Jaya, Selangor. Or e-mail Include your name, a pseudonym and an address. No private correspondence will be entertained. The Star does not give any warranty on accuracy, completeness, usefulness, fitness for any particular purpose or other assurances as to the opinions and views expressed in this column. The Star disclaims all responsibility for any losses suffered directly or indirectly arising from reliance on such opinions and views.

Tags / Keywords: Thelma , tuition , teacher , crush


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