Children are taught to behave and develop good values from a very young age. As they grow older, they learn to be respectful by observing their parents’ behaviour and mannerisms.
However, what do children today really learn from observing their parents? For one, parents are often rushing off to work leaving them behind with child minders or helpers. Sometimes, parents behave badly when they are enraged while driving. Fighting for parking spaces, arguing with sales personnel and haggling seem to also be common scenes witnessed by children these days.
Needless to say, families who do strive to teach good family values to their children are finding it increasingly difficult to “look” righteous in the eyes of their little ones.
So, how do you then teach family values to your children? Three mothers share their views on how they cope and coach their children.
Be a role model
Kitty Foo, mother of Clarise Tan Li Wen, eight, says children are great observers and therefore it is important to act, talk and behave in a way that exemplifies family values.
“Children observe what we do and they mirror us. The key is time. Spending quality time would be a big part of instilling values. When we spend time with them, we get to play together, observe how they play (that’s when I make mental notes for some constructive discussions at bedtime). I keep an eye on what Clarise watches on television and what she does on the computer.
“By doing this, she will know I am watching over her and will get the message. Clarise knows what will work and what won't,” says Foo who works part-time and is grateful for having sufficient time to spend with Clarise.
Having been brought up to cherish the values of respect, sincerity and responsibility, Foo believes in imparting these values to her daughter as well.
“Teaching kids to appreciate the people around them and to be helpful towards others is also important. I think all good values are good to have, but the emphasis for us would be values that will make the child treat others as they would like to be treated,” she quips.
In fact, Foo says you can instantly pick out the parents who have spent the time and effort to instil great values in their children.
“There are also the ones whom you think need to undergo some serious values overhaul, along with their parents! As long as we continue to blame, give excuses and justify behaviours that we don't condone, things will not change for the better,” she points out.
Pushpa Natarajan, who runs a cake-making business from home, says she is conscious about what she says in front of her three-year-old daughter, Sanjukta Jeya Pirakash.
“Children learn everything from us, from the way we speak to the things we do. We are always conscious about what we say in front of our daughter. She seems to grasp every new word she hears and repeats it to us,” says Pushpa.
The most important values to impart to children are honesty, respect and being conscientious, says Pushpa.
“My parents taught me to always be honest, respectful and hardworking. I think these values are important in life if one wants to do well. I think every parent should teach their kids the importance of these values,” she says.
Changing times
Gone are the days when mothers stayed at home to watch over the kids. Today, parents have a lot of distractions and channel their energy and time on things that are important to them.
Foo says that as a child whenever she was in trouble, or “created the trouble,” her mother was there to sort things out.
“Today, we have a lot more distractions. Money and material needs for better comfort are more of an issue and focus,” says Foo, adding that although kids need the attention of their parents, the priority for parents today is slightly diluted.
“I believe it’s due to changes in our lifestyle,” she adds.
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