Post-partum depression is not a figment of the imagination. Nor is it something to be scoffed at. It is very real and it hits not just those who recently had a baby; it also affects those who have had miscarriages.
According to a recent US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) survey, 11-18% of American women reported having frequent postpartum depressive symptoms.
In Malaysia, we have no statistics of how many women suffer from PPD. There is stigma attached to it and women are afraid of reporting it and stepping forward to get help for fear of having their children taken away from them.
ParenThots speaks to three women who are suffering from PPD to find out their struggles and how they are overcoming their depression.
Teacher Bridget Emily Mowe, 30, has two children aged three years old and nine months respectively. She suffered PPD after both her daughters were born.
This is her story:
“At first I was happy but when visitors started coming to visit us, I would freak out. I hated their silly questions like whether I would shave my babies' heads or if I had enough breast milk. Some would pass silly remarks like my baby's head was small. Some of their comments were hurtful, too. They would joke about taking my baby home or call my daughter their baby princess. Others would say my baby had a flat nose and then, without my permission, they would pinch her nose bridge – gently, of course.
“When people came by, I would smile but when they left, I would cry. The visit would play back in my mind over and over and I wondered what if they had dropped my baby or what if they took my baby. This would result in me crying. If someone carried my daughter, I would pray in my heart, 'Please cry for me' so I could take her back into my arms and get away from visitors.
“Another symptom I had was my need to keep washing my hands. I washed them too frequently and I carried antibacterial wipes and a hand sanitiser with me. The only people whom I trusted were my husband and mum. My mum knew how to gain my trust and she knew what to say to allow me to let my guard down. She would start off by fussing over me. She would never pick up my baby straight away.
“There are so many reasons that I can think of for why I had PPD the first time around. Maybe because I didn't have much help. After my first daughter was born, my mum was recovering from cancer and she couldn't take care of me. I know she wanted to because that was all she talked about when I was pregnant.
“I asked for a priest and a counsellor but I didn't know how to go about getting help from them. I was also scared that if they found something wrong, they would take away my baby and I would lose everything. I did mention to my family that something was wrong but they said it was just hormones. That's something you hear a lot of!
“I didn't see a doctor about my postpartum depression when I got it the first time, nor did I make any effort to get better. I looked up solutions on the Internet, attended church, breastfed my baby very often and kept a journal. I wrote everything down. When I read the Bible, I would relate the verses to my daily life and jot them down. I noticed that I only felt better if no one came between me and my daughter.
“The second time I had PPD, it came fast and hit me very hard. During my second pregnancy, I made notes about what to look out for and how to help myself. I kept telling myself that I would not have it the second time. I prepared myself in every possible way. I told a few close friends too so they would know what symptoms to look out for. And, I put up the number of my obstetrician-gynaecologist on my fridge.
“I think this time I had PPD because at the hospital the nurses wouldn't bring my baby to me to be breastfed. They said it was hospital policy that they couldn't bring the baby out from the nursery after lights out. So, instead, they gave her formula milk while my breasts were swollen and I was unable to nurse her. They left me like that from the night before until close to 10am the next day.
“Another reason for PPD after my second daughter was born was because my mum passed away while I was pregnant. The image of her last minutes with me plays back in my mind all the time. Just a few minutes before she passed on, we were actually talking about how excited she was to have a seventh grandchild on the way … she said she would come and stay with me for two weeks after I delivered.
“I eventually got help from my mum's close friend, who also had PPD and had started a support group on Facebook (see Val Ernest's story below). I would log on to Facebook, read what the other mothers were going through and they would in turn comment on my posts. We supported each other.
“My greatest fear was suicide. With my first PPD it never came to being suicidal. I just cried and washed my hands. With the second, I would put photos away because I felt like the photos were fake. My life was depressing – so, why have smiling framed pictures?
“Then came the day when all I wanted was to die so that people would take my condition seriously. But my kids sparked the initiative in me to seek help. If I died, they would be with people who couldn't breastfeed them, people who would consider their noses ugly …. That was the turning point for me. I then told my obstetrician-gynaecologist about it. I didn't want to die, and I didn't want to lose my girls.
“My obgyn referred me to a psychiatrist who wanted to medicate me. I was still breastfeeding then so I didn't want to take the drugs prescribed. I thought that a psychologist was what I needed but I haven't been able to find one close to where I live.
“I am still coping with PPD. I keep my kids close and I learn to be straightforward and firm. If I don't like how my girls are carried or talked to, I voice my opinion. If visitors choose not to listen, I take my kids away.
“What has helped the most is my faith in God, breastfeeding my baby and taking on small projects like joining contests, doing family stuff with my husband and kids and contributing to the FB support group whenever I can. I have also started baking because one of the mothers in the support group said that it's a good distraction.
“My advice to other PPD sufferers is to seek help. Symptoms may vary between mothers, but the most strong and common symptom is crying. You shed a tear even for the smallest thing. Then, it escalates to something else like feeling useless and ugly, in and out. Don't wait too long. Be firm and stern about how you want to care for your child and don't keep things bottled up inside. If this lasts for more than two weeks, seek help.
“Baby blues are very common but if handled the wrong way, leads to PPD and if that is ignored too then there is a chance of postpartum psychosis where things really get out of hand. Some people have even told me that because I read too much on PPD, I relapsed. Actually, reading up and being prepared saved my life. Information is good. Knowledge is power. Also, do breastfeed. It helps you stay connected with the one person who won't judge you.”
Valerie Ernest, 41, part-time sales representative, has two children, aged one and seven years old. She is the founder of the Post Partum Depression Support group on Facebook (facebook.com/groups/PPDsupport/).
This is her story:
“I myself am not very sure if I'm still suffering from PPD. I'd like to say that I'm no longer suffering from it. I feel very much more like my normal self but I still get depressed quite often and I am quick to lose my temper. The smallest thing can seem like it's the end of the world sometimes. I have fewer fights with my significant other nowadays compared with five months ago. I don't cry so much when I'm alone and I don't wish to stay hidden and never see anybody anymore. I don't feel like my kids are better off without me anymore.
“I guess I'm recovering well. It's been over two weeks since I sat alone crying my eyes out because I think I'm such a bad mum. This used to happen to me almost daily. Then, it gradually got less and less frequent.
“Honestly, I don't remember having PPD after having my firstborn, however in hindsight, I may have been going through it without realising it. I suppose I was grieving then as I had lost my mother eight months before and I was mostly alone throughout my pregnancy as my husband was then away in Britain. After delivery, I was also alone and I remember blaming my husband for not being there for me. To make a long story short our relationship ended when our baby was five months old.
“This time around, with my second husband, I knew I was depressed during my pregnancy as my husband was abroad from the time I was three months pregnant till my 36th week. I was depressed before I had my baby.
“I did lots of research online and I knew it was PPD after talking to one of the founders of the gentle birthing group on Facebook (facebook.com/GentleBirthMalaysia). She was the first one who guided me to realising what I had.
“I didn't cope very well with PPD, especially in the beginning. My seven-year-old used to just give me big tight hugs to tell me she loved me and that always pulled me back from going over the edge. I wanted to be a good mum, and yet at the same time I was convinced that I was the worst mum on Earth and that my kids were so unlucky to have me as their mum.
“After I started the PPD support group on FB, I was advised to pray a lot. Reading other mums' feelings and thoughts made me realise that this was something I would eventually recover from. I realised that just seeking help meant that I was a good mum. Now, every day, I look back on the day and find the positive things in everything I did that day instead of criticising myself over everything.
“I want to tell others who suffer from PPD that they are not alone. Get help, talk to doctors, and get your husband to listen to you. Stay away from negative people.
“As the founder of the PPD support group on Facebook, I hope that the group helps mothers like myself who have nowhere to turn to, who don't want others, especially close friends and family, to judge us, and for them to have an avenue to rant about their feelings. I wish to reach out to as many new mums who feel like committing suicide so that together we can help them get the help they need. I wish more mothers are educated on the symptoms of PPD; some of these symptoms can be so dangerous to both mums and babies.”
The third person willing to share her story with ParenThots' readers is part-timetutor Maddie M. Ahmad, 40:
“I don't have any children. I had three miscarriages and one stillborn at six months - a baby girl that I named Marjaan (it means corals in Arabic).
“From time to time, as and when I think of my miscarriages and missing the feeling of my daughter kicking, I cry for a while. I do feel I am still suffering from PPD.
“Six months after I got married, I had a miscarriage. I got pregnant again in October 2009, and my daughter passed on in March 2010. It took me a few months to recover and to stop relying on sleeping pills.
“After three miscarriages and one stillborn, I think from time to time, I do suffer from PPD. I sometimes feel sad and low, and I would cry wondering why all my babies had to die. I wonder why others could carry their babies to full-term and I am just so unlucky and that God is unfair. I would feel suicidal at times.
“At first, I didn't know I had PPD, not until my daughter died and my gynaecologist wanted to refer me to a psychiatrist as I told her I was hearing voices in my ears asking me to cut or slit my wrists and kill myself, so that I could join my daughter.
“My family has a medical history of depression - from dad, to mum, and now, me. I did realise I needed help and I read up on PPD. My family and some friends knew I had PPD and there were friends who contributed to the suffering of PPD, too. I got support from family and close friends.
“I have been baking a lot to de-stress. And, I read up on PPD and started exercising regularly and eating healthily. I have also started meditating and praying more. I have also been on anti-anxiety medication and a sedative for a while. What has helped the most is family and close friends. I continue to try to think positively and keep myself busy.
“My greatest fear is getting pregnant and not being able to carry the baby to full-term. I am afraid of getting PPD again.
“My advice to other PPD sufferers is not to keep their feelings and thoughts to themselves. Talk it out. Find groups on the Internet and Facebook and share your thoughts and feelings. When people respond to your writings, you'll feel much much better.”
Postpartum depression checklist (if you have five out of the nine symptoms below you are medically depressed):
- Depressed – tearfulness, hopefulness, anxiety, feeling of emptiness
- Loss of pleasure in all or almost all of your daily activities
- Appetite and weight change
- Sleeping difficulty (even when your baby is sleeping)
- Restlessness, sluggishness
- Extreme fatigue or loss of energy
- Feelings of worthlessness, guilt with no reasonable cause
- Difficulty in concentrating and making decisions
- Thoughts of death and suicide, or even of harming your child/children
Postpartum psychosis checklist:
- Feeling removed from your baby, family and surroundings
- Disturbed sleep, even when your baby is sleeping
- Confused, disorganised thinking, risk of harming yourself, your baby or anyone else
- Drastic changes in mood and bizarre behaviour
- Extreme agitation and restlessness
- Unusual hallucinations (involving sight, smell or touch)
- Delusional thinking not based on reality
If you or anyone you know has postpartum depression or psychosis, please consult an obstetrician-gynaecologist.
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