You light up my life

Dearest Jia Li,

Papa remembers it was 4am when I received a call from the hospital.

“Mr Teh, your wife is in labour. Please come now.” Still not fully awake, Papa promptly slipped into my track bottom and sped to the hospital.

When Papa arrived, you and Mummy were already in the operating theatre. So Papa had to sit on the sofa in the waiting area. Papa was really sad at not being able to join you both in there. I knew how much Mummy wanted me to be beside her then. And at that hour there was no other father-to-be to turn to for a chit-chat to steady my nerves.

While waiting, I quietly grumbled at you for disturbing my sleep. “Can’t you choose a better time to arrive?” But all this was quickly overtaken by the thoughts of all the responsibilities that come with being a father.

Papa had never before felt so accountable for another life! Honestly, the apprehension did, for the first time, freak me out a little.

Mummy and Papa really did not anticipate your arrival that morning. Just the night before we were having fried chicken on her hospital bed. Although prior to that Mummy was on bed rest for two weeks at home and a further five at the hospital, you were not due until another five weeks.

Your Mummy was diagnosed with Placenta Praevia Type III. The doctors did make us aware of the possibility of your early arrival but when Papa left the hospital at 10pm, everything had looked stable. We wanted dearly for you to arrive closer to full term.

Papa remembers getting the fried chicken to cheer Mummy up as she had been really down at that time. The doctors had restricted her from going home for the public holidays and weekends. So she had missed out on Hari Merdeka and Nuzul Quran the evening before.

Your Mummy would watch, teary-eyed, as her roommates who were diagnosed with the same complication (but different types) head home for the weekend or the holidays.

She was the only one left behind. Just imagine how hard it was for her and worse, she has always been afraid of ... ahem ... beings! Papa was not allowed to stay as it was a public hospital.

On Papa’s part, it was not at all easy either. Papa lost weight just rushing from office every lunch hour to accompany you and Mummy, joining you both after work, and having dinner only after I left the hospital.

Papa handled all the domestic chores as Mummy’s condition was highly critical.

Luckily, Papa emerged from all this without any bodily harm. That was Papa’s commitment to you and Mummy and no worries, it was worth it.

At about 5am, your Mummy was wheeled out of the operating theatre. From afar Papa could see Mummy’s hands trembling because it was freezing in there. My heart felt heavy for her. What was I compared to her when all I had to endure was losing some sleep and doing a little running around? Not forgetting, too, the weeks she spent confined to the hospital on bed rest. This only made me treasure your Mummy even more.

What followed were even more difficult hours. As your Mummy was wheeled back to her ward, Papa was instructed to wait for you. Papa tried peeking a few times into the theatre wondering why it took so long for them to bring you out.

When finally you were brought out, you were inside an incubator owing to your premature birth. You were so small and frail, and needed oxygen support. Papa was very uneasy and worried seeing all the tubes sticking on you.

However, the most anxious moment was at 7am. You were having breathing difficulties.

The medical team took 45 minutes to stabilise your breathing. That was the longest 45 minutes of my life.

The first five minutes was all right as Papa was confident that you would be fine.

However, as the minute ticked by with the medical staff working on you anxiously, Papa’s heart began to pound. The sight of the team sticking tubes on you and resuscitating you was unbearable.

Papa was worried sick. Papa’s hands turned cold. It was agonising. Thoughts of losing you did come to mind. How was I going to tell your Mummy? What was I going to do if things were not okay? Gosh!

Luckily, it turned out otherwise.

That was almost two years ago. Now you have grown to 90cm and weigh 13kg.

It has been a great two years being your Papa. Thanks for filling Papa’s days with joy.

Thanks for your comforting hugs. Thanks for calling Papa first (haha, for siding Papa in Papa-Mummy’s first ever rivalry!). Thanks for choosing me to make milk in the middle of the night. Thanks for getting Papa prepared to receive your sister Jia Qi, who also chose to arrive in the wee hours of the morning.

Thanks for everything. Happy second birthday.

With lots of love,
Papa

The letter is written by Teh Kok Tiong to his firstborn, who turns two tomorrow.