Guide kids on suitable dressing

CHILDWISE
By RUTH LIEW

Children should be guided on appropriate dressing.  

DURING a recent children’s talent show, I observed that many of the contestants aged five to 16 years wore rather skimpy-looking costumes. I felt this was unnecessary. Children with their talents were attractive enough. The costumes were not appropriate for their age group. 

From an early age, children are bombarded with messages from the media and the people around them about the kind of clothes that will make them popular. A six-year-old girl once insisted that her mother buy her a T-shirt that would reveal her belly button when she raised her hands. This, after seeing how popular her friend became after wearing that particular T-shirt design. 

There is nothing wrong with children wanting to look older. Unfortunately, for many young girls today, looking older means dressing up in raunchy clothing and applying heavy make-up. 

Idol influence: It is not uncommon for teenage girls to dress like their favourite celebrities, such as actress Lindsay Lohan.

As for the boys, many seem to like T-shirts that carry very negative messages, expletives or obscene pictures. Such attire seems to make them feel powerful and in control. 

My friend’s nine-year-old niece who plays the violin often performs in public, dressed in mini skirt and spaghetti-strap top with black fishnet stockings. To complete the look, she uses heavy make-up. Her teacher insists that all her performers dress in this fashion. Her reason: to make them attractive to the audience. 

I find it very disturbing when adults put their children through such a display to attract crowds. Children without proper guidance on dressing have so many mixed messages about their sexuality and self-esteem.  

One agent remarked that her teen performers opt for a certain provocative look because they get more job offers. While teens want the freedom to choose what to wear, it is up to the adults to help them decide wisely. Inappropriate ways of dressing can cost them the opportunity to succeed. 

Preteens and teenagers often wear clothes that their parents and teachers cannot tolerate. In our eyes, these outfits make them look odd, sexy or scary. One way of handling this issue is to help your child find her inner qualities and focus on who she is, not what she wears. 

Preteens and teens will experiment with all kinds of fashion trends and fads. They may also want to emulate their “idols” in the way they dress. 

Show your child that you love her, and validate her even when her dressing style differs completely from yours. But if you cannot get past her outfit, try the following: 

> Check out what today’s teens are wearing. Take a walk in the shopping malls and you may discover that many other young people are probably wearing clothes that look worse than your child’s. 

> Set a limit on what kind of clothes your teen can wear, after discussing with her. When you respect each other’s different opinions, you may be able to compromise and come up with some good solutions on what the appropriate outfits are.  

> Consider your child as a whole person. Your child is more than what she puts on. She can enhance her self-esteem by what she does and not what she wears. When she is doing well overall, allow her occasional “weird-looking” attire. Spend more time focusing on how well she behaves instead of what she wears. 

> Before shopping for clothes, look through magazines and catalogues with your child and discuss the look that best suits her. Your child may find this more acceptable thanyour nagging. 

> Children feel encouraged when they hear compliments, such as: “I like your choice of outfit today. It is refreshing and attractive.”