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Ask Dr G

Published: Sunday October 19, 2014 MYT 8:39:00 AM
Updated: Sunday October 19, 2014 MYT 8:57:59 AM

Should women make the first move?

Men are intoxicatingly persuasive. This is also a great formula for a successful nuptial proposal. 

I love jazz, and I absolutely adore Ella Fitzgerald. One of the most memorable quotes from Lady Ella was: “Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there is love and inspiration, I don't think you can go wrong.” 

In the 60s, the Queen of Jazz was well known for being notoriously shy and keeps herself from the “wilderness” of New York City. “I don't want to say the wrong thing, which I always do.” She once said. “But I think I do better when I sing”. 

Clearly, the rest was history. Sticking to her impeccable talent of singing, the first lady of Jazz mesmerises us with the purity of tone blended with her “horn-like” improvisation brilliance. Clearly, Fitzgerald became renowned for her interpretation of the Great American Songbook. 

Today, unlike the 60s, there appears to be a shift of paradigm in the empowerment of women in sexual health. This is can reflected in Sex and the City in the Big Apple.  

This brings me to a letter from a reader.

Dear Dr G, 

I recently read an article you wrote in a well-known socialite magazine. I disagree with your view on why women should not propose even in modern society. Come on, this is the 21st century, a gender equality world. I cannot believe you hold such an old fashion bias view. 

Having read many of your past articles, it is obvious you only address issues of predominantly male-centric matters. 

From erectile dysfunction to premature ejaculation, these are clearly a one-sided myopic observation of sexual dysfunction. Surely, it is about time for women to have a voice to discuss female sexual dysfunction, instead of just focusing on male issues. 

Finally, I find it rather disturbing to read your opinion the only time a woman should have the privilege to propose to a man is once every four years, during the leap year. 

I look forward to hearing your response. 


Indeed, like men, many women would experience sexual dysfunction in their lifetime.

According to the sexual Advice Association, sexual problems in women affect around 50% of women and tend to increase in prevalence with advancing age. 

Female sexual dysfunction includes loss of desire, arousal and decrease sexual satisfaction.

Some women may also experience pain during intimacy that can result in significant impairment of her quality of life. 

Similarly in men, both physical and psychological factors have to be taken into account. And the true focus should be based on the relationship of the couple. 

I was asked to express my view about why I think men should always make the first move in a well-known magazine recently. 

Sir Winston Churchill, arguably one of the greatest wartime heroes of all generations once said: “My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.” When Churchill met his future wife, Clementine at a ball in Crewe House, he was mesmerised.

He was persuasive, impulsive and obsessive. This how Churchill seized the opportunity to propose to Clementine at Blenheim Palace, and this is why I believe all lifelong romance should begin with a man on his knees proposing. 

Men are intoxicatingly persuasive. This is also a great formula for a successful nuptial proposal.

I agree with the consultant for Sex and the City, Greg Behrendt: “A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the women he loves.” 

Men are also abruptly obsessive.

Just like how Mr Rochester proposed his love to Jane Eyre with such primitive instinct of fixation: “You, Jane. I must have you for my own - entirely my own” with a tinge of ardor: “I ask you to pass through life at my side - to be my second self, and best earthly companion.” With such primal enthusiastic passion, no women will decline. 

Lastly, men are impetuously impulsive. That makes a great recipe for matrimonial proposal.

The late South America literacy giant, Gabriel Garcia Marquez once advised women: “Say Yes! Even if you are dying of fear, even if you are sorry later, because whatever you do, you will be sorry all the rest of your life if you say no.”

In my defence, dealing with male sexual dysfunction, I am not merely resolving male orientated difficulties.

On the contrary, this is meant to be the solution for the couple.

In my opinion, the voice of a female sexual dysfunction is heard when a man cares enough for his partner and build up the courage to resolve the problem together. 

The famous American author, Anais Nin, once said: “I, with deeper instinct, I choose my man who compels my strength, who makes demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent. Who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” 

I guess what I have to add to is that “choose a man brave enough to address all women’s needs.” 

> The views expressed are entirely the writer’s own.



Tags / Keywords: Advice Association, sexual problems, sexual dysfunction

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