Home > Lifestyle > Features
Sunday January 26, 2014 MYT 12:00:00 AM
Sunday January 26, 2014 MYT 8:02:21 AM
I WAS in a relationship with C for 11 years but recently, we broke up. This was after C had gone for a session with a “deity”.
She was told that we have different personalities and if our relationship were to continue, both parties would be badly hurt in the future. She also felt that we have different personalities due to our different background and upbringing.
As for me, I also went for a separate deity session elsewhere and was told the same thing. I’m not a very superstitious person by nature and I love her a lot. I was actually planning to marry C next year. I do believe that the deities are merely giving guidance on how we differ and I strongly believe that if we are able to bridge the gap, we can be a happy couple.
I’m so lost now after she decided to end our relationship. I’m in such grief these days. C seems very upset with me and prohibits me from looking for her at home or at the office. I’m not allowed to even SMS or e-mail her as she doesn’t want anything to do with me. I still care a lot about C but I’m unable to do anything. At most, once in a while, I leave some gifts at her house. I still SMS her once in a while but there is no reply. She will sometimes turn off her handphone on purpose as well. Despite her reaction, I still love her a lot and don’t blame her at all.
I will continue doing the things I do for C, based on my capabilities, however limited they may be. I hope C will realise this eventually. She has always felt that my love for her was not deep enough, and that the things I did for her her had an ulterior motive and weren’t sincere. Even C’s mum is asking me to forget her but I just can’t. Sometimes, C’s mum will send an SMS requesting that I stop send gifts. At times, I feel really lost and depressed.
Should I really forget the past with C or should I continue with what I am doing?
ELEVEN years is a long time for any relationship. A lot of energy, time and emotions have been invested in it. Also, a life together was built during that time, with an idea of a future ahead. To have all that end all of a sudden is very difficult to accept and hard to get over.
C had mentioned that the differences between you and her – your personalities, upbringing and background – made her felt that both of you were incompatible. You seem to acknowledge this as well. These aspects are actually very important in a relationship. And, if there are differences, unless the people in the relationship are totally committed to make it work, it will be very difficult.
You allude to other problems in your relationship such as how C always suspected that you were insincere with your displays of affection and questioned your sincerity.
One may wonder why it took her 11 years to realise that these differences were too great to build a lasting relationship. It may be that the soothsayer gave her the impetus to leave.
Whatever the case, it does look very clear that she is not keen to give your relationship another try. Your attempts are not being reciprocated. And, she has made it very clear that she does not want to have any more contact with you. She has even enlisted her mother’s help to communicate to you her desire not to pursue your relationship further.
Unfortunately, the writing is on the wall. The relationship is over and you are going to have to move on. You will experience grief over losing someone and something – the relationship itself – that meant a lot to you. This is normal. There will be sadness, the feeling that life will never be the same again, wondering how the sun still rises and all that is normal in this situation. You will miss her. And that can be painful sometimes. But, you need to be clear that these are reactions to the relationship ending.
People will tell you that there are other fish in the sea; time will heal; someone or something better is on the way. As corny or cheesy as it sounds, it is true. Given enough time, you probably will find someone who is compatible with you and with whom you can build your future with. Your time and energy will be better spent in recovering from your loss, rather than giving attention where it is not wanted.
IS something bothering you? Do you need a listening ear or a shoulder to lean on? Thelma is here to help. Write to Dear Thelma, c/o Star2, Menara Star, 15, Jalan 16/11, 46350 Petaling Jaya, Selangor, or e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Please include your full name and address, and a pseudonym. No private correspondence will be entertained.
The Star does not give any warranty on accuracy, completeness, usefulness, fitness for any particular purpose or other assurances as to the opinions and views expressed in this column. The Star disclaims all responsibility for any losses suffered directly or indirectly arising from reliance on such opinions and views.
Tags / Keywords:
Lifestyle, Dear Thelma, loss, relationship, deity
Copyright © 1995-2014 Star Publications (M) Bhd (Co No 10894-D)