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Sunday November 3, 2013 MYT 12:00:00 AM
Sunday November 3, 2013 MYT 9:43:45 AM
I’M a 25-year-old guy living in Selangor who has been in a relationship with my girlfriend for the past six years. We both love each other very much.
Both of us are working professionals. Early this year, I decided to continue my studies at a university. I moved to Penang and left her behind.
We still call and SMS each other every day and talk lovingly like we normally do.
Then one day, this girl from the university asked me for help, so I helped her. She thanked me and we exchanged numbers. But I didn’t think of SMS-ing or calling her because I’m already in a relationship.
A few weeks later, I received a SMS from this girl who introduced herself and asked how I was doing. This is the same girl whom I helped out the other day. After a few weeks of ongoing SMSes, we decided to meet up over coffee and ended up spending a couple of hours talking.
Since that meeting, everything has changed. I keep thinking of her and can’t wait for her SMSes. I want to see her every day. All these new feelings are running through me. I’m tryng hard to control myself and not communicate much with her but I’m failing miserably. It seems she’s trying to impress me and I think I’m falling for her.
I’m scared that I will fall in love with her and this will affect my relationship with my girlfriend.
I don’t want that to happen. Can a person fall in love when he is already in love? What feeling is this? What should I do?
It’s difficult to maintain and sustain a long-distance relationship. Although there is frequent contact – telephone, SMS, Skype – the fact that the person is not there in the flesh does have an effect. It can be lonely.
It is good that you acknowledge that you are still in love with your girlfriend. Now, you just have to be clear about what you feel about this other girl.
How do you know it is love? Could it just be an infatuation? Or, could it just be that you enjoy her company? Could it also be that she is actually there in person while your girlfriend is now absent from your life?
To ease all the confusion, you have to be honest with yourself first. Are you really committed to your relationship with your girlfriend? Do you have plans for the future together? If so, how invested are you in these plans? Do you see a future with her? Would it help if you had more personal contact with her? She could come visit you every now and then, or you could visit her.
If you are certain about your girlfriend, it should not be difficult to reject this other girl’s advances. It would be easy to just be friends with her. You don’t have to end your friendship with her. Remember, it is possible for you to have a deep friendship without it being a romantic relationship.
Remember that part of being in a committed, long-lasting relationship is the ability to reject advances from others, or attraction to them. You are only human and it’s understandable for you to react positively to other people. But, you must be clear and honest with yourself about your boundaries. Know what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour.
Be clear with this other girl that you are in a relationship and value your future with your girlfriend.
That should make it obvious that you won’t respond to her advances. Or, acknowledge her advances and talk to her to let her know that she should focus her attention elsewhere.
Now, if you feel that what you could potentially have with this other girl is a relationship – and it is what you want – you must be honest with your girlfriend and break things off. You must be ready for her reaction, though. I doubt she would see it coming. You would know the best way to break the news to her.
In situations like this, it’s always best to be honest, with yourself and with those involved. That would be the best way to respond.
Tags / Keywords:
Lifestyle, Thelma, relationship, infatuation
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