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Monday September 2, 2013 MYT 6:00:00 AM
Thursday August 1, 2013 MYT 3:09:12 PM
by bridget emily mowe
How To Get Results For Both You And Your Kids
By Dr Yvonne Sum
Parents are regarded as leaders of a tribe and leading can be challenging. Different parents have different parenting styles but each has the same intention when it comes to parenting – we all want the best for our children.
This book introduces seven foundation points to assist parents in releasing their highest potential as leaders. The author calls them the 7R's of parenting: Role-modelling, respect, rules, routine, review and reflect … and “response-ability”.
The chapter that piqued my interest the most was the chapter on role-modelling. It speaks about the many stages and ways a child absorbs information from their environment, but mostly absorbing from us. We lead as parents, and they follow.
The first few years of a child's life is crucial. He absorbs everything he's exposed to and later on at a different stage of his life, shows the impact they made.
For instance, consider this scenario. A child is born, and it's biologically embedded in our minds to sacrifice whatever we can so they can have a better life. Seems logical, right? We think it's the right way to go, and yes, it is only right we do whatever we can so they can reap the benefits of our labour. Even I am guilty of this.
What are we really teaching them by doing this?
After going through and reflecting on this chapter,I definitely agree with the author that parents indeed can do better.
Be an example of working hard and making dreams come true. What message are we sending to our kids if we pass on great and rare opportunities that come our way. If we can juggle our roles accordingly, success is just around the corner. And they will pick up our traits and do the same.
If you want the best for your kids, then start with yourself. Go the distance, explore your abilities, push boundaries and show your kids that if it's possible for you, it will be possible for them. Actions speak louder than words.
Don't be scared to fail. In fact, let them see you fail as long as you bounce back and get back in the game. By doing this, they know that failure is just part and parcel of finding success.
Another important part is respect. It's not something we demand from our children but something we give and gain back. Our examples and the steps we take show our wisdom, even if we fail. And this leads to them looking up to us, respecting us … adoring us and wanting to follow us.
Another criteria a leader has is implementing rules. Different individuals have different rules to follow depending on their rank and background. Different places also have different rules. That is why it's important to study and consider every aspect before implementing a rule.
The idea here is to lead but by not appearing so much as a leader but as a member of a group. Appearing like an authoritative figure only creates tension amongst followers. Remember, the key here is to be respected and not feared. Bring yourself down to their level and explore their perspective.
Once the rules are implemented, stay positive and don't just focus on the outcome if rules are broken. Instead, bring their attention to the benefits they can look forward to when rules are followed. Next, is to introduce a reward system as this will help keep everyone calm and open in an environment where there are boundaries and limits. Explain the importance of rules and why we need them and the consequences we face if there are no rules.
Also, be prepared to have your rules challenged and broken. Welcome these challenges as they will only encourage the individuals you lead to push boundaries and break through a barrier.
Even if you're leading a team of individuals at work, practise the same strategy. Above all, make sure you don't break the rules yourself. And also, feel free to change the rules once in a while. When certain results are not met, it could be that the rules need to be altered to meet certain criteria under different circumstances.
After reading and reflecting on these first few R's (role-modelling, respect and rules,) the author has presented, I find that the rest of the lessons she offers are quite common and can easily be found in other self-help/motivational books.
Although Sum does include life lessons and examples from her own family, this covers more basis of leading rather than parenting especially towards the remaining chapters of the book. As we all know, being responsible for a group of individuals can be tricky and overwhelming,whether they're our family or simply workmates. This book can offer the many different ways of developing your skills as a leader, whether at home or at work.
For me, the only thing that makes this book interesting is that the hints and lessons can be used and applied beyond the world of parenting. It doesn't matter what you are – coach, parent or boss – as long as you intend to lead, this book will be worth your time and money. In short, this book will help you discover the leader in you and how to develop your leadership skills.
* Available at Books Kinokuniya Malaysia. For further enquiries, call +603-21648133, email email@example.com or visit BookWeb Malaysia.
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book, review, family, parenting, Intentional Parenting, Dr Yvonne Sum
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