“When are you going to get a girlfriend?” That was the question that always popped up when I met up with friends.
While these friends were already married with kids or busy dating then, I remained me – a happy-go-lucky guy who enjoyed travel and outdoor activities. I had no issues with being single and believed everyone should live life the way they wanted it.
Well, God obviously had a different plan for me. I met my future wife at the age of 29. She was the complete opposite of me in personality, and our relationship thrived on trust and openness.
Close friends were surprised to find that someone had captured my heart and changed my life. After more than two years, we tied the knot under the simplest of ceremonies and embarked on a new chapter of our lives.
Nine months later, our daughter Eva Ong Yii Hua was born. It was a surreal, magical moment when I finally became the father to a child. Then reality struck. During the nine months of pregnancy, my wife and I had prepped ourselves physically and mentally for the baby’s arrival. But when it finally happened, we had to make big adjustments and quickly adapt to a new lifestyle.
Gone were the days of doing things at will – going to the cinema, watching football games and travelling. Now, all the time was dedicated to our child.
Of course, once in a while we still need a breather, so it is all about balancing and managing our schedule. Everyone needs their own space sometimes.
I started to learn to be a father. It’s a role that has changed dramatically from the time of my father, whose sole responsibility was being the breadwinner in the family.
Nowadays, fathers play a significant role alongside the mothers. Changing dirty nappies, bathing and feeding the baby, cleaning the bottles, and comforting her when she is cranky are no longer the sole duty of the mother. Taking care of the baby is now a shared task between husband and wife, as is doing household chores.
It is all about practice, practice, practice.
Everything is a new skill to pick up. You may fumble at first but things will get better as time goes on. The experience made me realise what my parents had gone through to bring me up, and reflect on what I would be if not for them. The cycle continues.
One of the pleasures of parenthood is to watch your baby grow and develop – from the time she starts gripping an object to smiling at you, rolling, crawling, sitting up, and so on. This is precious experience that money can’t buy; if missed, there won’t be a second chance!
So, I make sure to treasure or capture all the sweet moments I spend with my baby. Baby is like a piece of blank paper; it’s our duty as a parent to paint it with wonderful colours and nurture him or her in the best possible manner.
For the hassle and fatigue in caring for a child, all it took was a smile from my little princess to make it all go away. When I reached home after work and saw Eva excitedly crawling towards me, whatever problems I had did not matter anymore. All the hard work and effort had been worthwhile.
Friends and relatives like to ask: “When are you getting a second one?” To which we’ll say: “When the time is right.” We are in no hurry yet as we savour every moment of Eva’s growth.
Parenting is a long – or should I say neverending – journey, and one that we will navigate, obstacles and all, bravely.
The Star's Fathers Figure column invites fathers of any age and every stripe – rich dad, poor dad, single father, fun dad, tiger dad – to talk about their parenting experiences. Email star2@thestar.com.my with the subject header “Fathers Figure”, preferably between 600 and 800 words, with a photo attached. Published contributions will be paid. So please include your full name, IC number, address and contact number.
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