From China with love

Junie Ong with Jade and Conor.

From the time they decided to adopt a child, Junie Ong and her husband Tom Ryan were determined they would never keep it a secret. So, they were completely honest with Jade, the two-year-old girl they adopted from Kunming, China.

“I know it’s not uncommon for parents to pretend that a child is not adopted and don’t tell anyone.

“However, to me, this is fraught with issues because the subliminal message is that adoption is something we should hide, something we should be embarrassed or ashamed about. I think it sends out all the wrong messages,” says Junie, 56.

Junie, born and bred in Penang, lived in Australia for 33 years. “I have a biological son, Conor, whom I had when I was almost 44. “We tried for a second child but it didn’t happen, so my husband and I discussed adoption,” says Junie, now living in Tanjung Bungah, Penang.

They registered themselves with the Australian Department of Community Services (DOCS) and embarked on a long, three-year journey that would bring them Jade.

“When we went through the adoption process, it seemed like they actually made it hard for you to adopt.

“We were finger-printed, went through police checks and several interviews with social workers, both as a couple and then one-on-one to see if our stories checked out. We also attended many adoption seminars.

“Nine-month pregnancies are pretty tough and towards the end, you just want the baby out. Can you imagine a three-year wait?” Junie says, with a good natured laugh.

Junie, a management consultant adds that in the end she was grateful that the process had been so stringent as it prepared them for the challenges ahead.

Finally, after all the paperwork, preparations and procedures had been dealt with, the Ryan family, including five-year-old Conor, flew to China in 2005 to meet their newest family member.

“DOCS had put us in batches according to application dates and there were four other sets of parents in our group.

“We flew to China together for a two-week visit to collect our children,” Junie says.

She says the trip was very well planned and the Chinese officials seemed to go out of their way to make all the parents comfortable.

“You would think that there would have been some embarrassment that so many Chinese children were up for adoption, but for the officials, it was really a chance for them to showcase China to us and say ‘Hey, let us show you China and it is something that your child should be proud of’.”

A day after landing in Shanghai, all five sets of parents were brought to a centre near the Kunming Municipal Children’s Home to meet their children.

“Three of the children were babies, but Jade, along with another girl named Jin Ru, were toddlers.

“When we approached Jade, she was petrified and backed away right into a corner between a wall and a desk, and cowered there.

“When we realised how scared she was, we backed away and pretended to look around the room to give her some space,” Junie says.

She says, Conor, who had brought a bag of toys with him for Jade, was the one to break the ice with his new sibling.

“Conor came up and started playing with her. It was a pure kind of childlike connection.

“He unzipped his bag and took out the toys he had brought and I noticed that he got her attention and she became curious. It was a godsend that Conor was with us,” Junie says.

She says the early days, especially the nights Jade expected to be returned to her Chinese foster family, were difficult but things gradually became better.

“We had learnt from the social workers that as a survival tactic, Jade would be propelled by a need to belong.

“She lost her Mandarin within six months of coming to us and picked up English really quickly with a very broad Australian accent,” Junie says.

Jade, who will turn 10 this month, used to give in to her older brother for the first three to four years, but as her confidence grew, she began to stand up to him.

“I told Conor that sooner or later, she was going to fight back and I was right.

“As her confidence grew, she ‘injured’ him a couple of times but to me, that’s a healthy thing, because it shows she’s coming into her own,” Junie says.

On moulding Jade into a strong person, Junie says teaching Jade about her background had been essential.

“She needed to understand and feel proud of her history so she could be proud of her adoption.

“So we told her what we had found out from the orphanage; that she had been very sick when she was found outside a police station in the Kunming Stone Forest area.

“I said to her that no mother leaves her child unless there are extenuating circumstances so her mother must have left her because she loved her.

“She was probably very poor and couldn’t afford medical treatment and she wanted Jade to live and have a good life so she left her out of love.

“Just like you and I, each of us has a past. That is Jade’s story, and it is as accurate as we could find,” Junie says.

Jade now excels at the St Christopher’s Primary School, Penang, both academically and in sports.

The accomplished swimmer and judo exponent, whose face lights up whenever she smiles, is unfazed by questions about her adoption.

“When people ask me where I was born, I say China because I’m adopted.

“I don’t feel uncomfortable when people ask me questions. It’s quite normal.

“People normally just react with an ‘Oh’,” she says.

Jade, who lovingly describes her brother Conor, 12, as “really annoying”, is at ease with her past, and happily unsure about her plans for the future.

“I’ve wanted to be a teacher, fashion designer, hairdresser and most recently a jewellery designer.

“Though my father wants me to be a doctor, I can’t decide and I’m always changing my mind,” she says.