It was only a couple of weeks ago that we were wishing family and friends, “Happy New Year!” We made New Year’s resolutions and hoped for all to go better than the year before.
Soon, we will be celebrating the arrival of the Year of the Dragon and everywhere we go, we will see and hear, “Gong Xi Fa Cai!” Perhaps for some of us, on Feb 23, 2012, we get to “start again” – launch the year with revised resolutions!
As a mother with a special child, I always have to “start again.” There are many times when I think we can move on, only to find that things haven’t progressed well enough and I need to revise my plans. Recently I discovered that a simple everyday task was not being performed well and I needed to retrain my daughter. And during the school holidays when I got to spend more time with her, I also realised that there were many things that were not being done accordingly ….
Oh dear! What else would I find out?
So, I literally “spied” on her and listed down all the tasks that were being done poorly. And, each day, I did a “refresher course” with her. Some days, things didn’t go very well. She was upset that I had robbed her of her independence and privacy. There were some “hair-pulling and crying moments” and I wondered if I could really go through with the exercise. I was tired and frustrated and certainly disappointed that she hadn’t achieved the level of independence that I thought she had.
My biggest worry – how will she live in the real world when both her dad and I are no longer around? Although I have always believed that as long as I do my best, God will do the rest, my concern now is, what if I am not doing my “best”?
It causes me to spiral into the worst of thoughts and possibilities. I go crazy for a moment … but I know I do not have the luxury of sinking into self-pity. So, I take a deep breath, say a prayer and start again.
If I look closely, I would also see how sweet and caring a person she has turned out to be. Her teachers frequently praise her for being “sisterly” with her younger classmates. In fact, she was the only one among her classmates who had enough patience to teach some of the younger students to play a particular game. I must admit I was surprised by that!
She is also rather “wily” – once, I told her to keep her T-shirts in the cupboard. She completed the task rather too quickly and upon checking, I found that she had hung them up instead of fold them! And, just recently, after her laundry was done, I told her that I would remove the dry clothes so that she could hang hers up. She came to help me (I thought, how sweet!) and when it was time for hanging up her clothes, she asked, “Mummy, can you help me to hang my clothes now?” I walked right into her trap, didn’t I?
Sometimes I am also surprised at the remarks she makes. Once, her father asked me something about a subject that I wasn’t familiar with and I had taken a while to answer. She turned to her dad and said, “Mummy’s brain sleeping lah!”
She has come a long way; I really shouldn’t be too harsh on her or myself. I must remind myself that the journey hasn’t ended; every day is an opportunity to do better. Every new day is a day to see her bloom. My Lord walks with me, so even if I am not confident of my mothering skills, I should not lose faith in Him.
So, now every day for me is a “Happy New Day!”
And for the rest of you, Happy New Year and Gong Xi Fa Cai!
Anna Wong, mother to a 16-year-old special girl, founded Glen Stream (www.senses-at-play.com) in 2005 to assist other parents on this challenging journey. Her company offers related products and services.
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