Teen and adolescent dressing sometimes takes parents by surprise and leaves them at a loss for words. This can range from boys' pants hanging low on their hips to reveal their boxer shorts and T-shirts with obscenities to girls' short skirts and plunging necklines.
When questioned, these youngsters will usually say it's the current trend and that all their friends dress this way.
This is the age-old parent-teen issue that has been going on for several generations. Remember how you used to dress as a teen and what your own parents said?
ParenThots spoke to three mothers to find out what the situation is like in their homes and how big an issue teen dressing is.
Fashion trends
Hanita Mohd Mokhtar-Ritchie, based in Scotland, has two children. Her eldest is almost 15 years old and her son is 10. She says it isn't a big issue but now and then it does crop up.
“For example, when new seasonal clothing lines are available in high street stores. Some of these styles are not appropriate for our religious and cultural values, and for my daughter's age. It's also a problem when she wants to dress like some of her friends, or random girls she notices when out and about (usually those older than her, such as university students).
“I usually have to remind her that these girls' Western styles - such as sleeveless, sheer, tight or low-neckline/hemline clothes - are also not appropriate and in line with our cultural values,” says Hanita.
Dressing only started to become an issue when her daughter turned 11 – that's when she took a bigger interest in fashion and wanted to have more control over her wardrobe.
Anita Matthews, mother of two, aged 13 and 14, says her teenagers' dressing is largely decent. She and her husband usually shop for their kids' clothes with them.
“They're comfortable in T-shirts, shorts and jeans. My daughter confines the spaghetti strap tops and shorts to the home.
“We had an issue recently with my son who bought a T-shirt on his own when he went out with his friend. It had inappropriate wordings and we objected to him using it outside our home.
“I think teenagers may dress inappropriately now and then due to peer pressure. Here is an example: He knew even before he bought it (he was with his friend) that we would object to the T-shirt but he bought it anyway. When he came home, he told me that he bought a T-shirt we would disapprove of and I said, please show us the T-shirt and we shall see if it is appropriate. He was right. We didn’t like it one bit and said he is not allowed to wear it out,” she explains.
Advocating modesty
Hanita agrees that the dressing issue is largely due to exposure to peer dressing and the media.
“It is acknowledged in Britain that children are becoming more and more sexualised by the trends and subject matter that they are exposed to via the media and their peers. This is one of our concerns and we worry about how this issue affects our teenager. My husband and I always advocate modesty when dressing and moderation when following trends. Our biggest fear is that she will attract unwanted attention - specifically from men and boys - as she only really looks her age when she is in school uniform.
“Her peers and the media she is exposed to do not completely influence the way she dresses as she is aware of our stand on the matter. However, she does draw some inspiration from the styles she sees in the media or worn by her peers when choosing what to buy or wear,” says Hanita.
Just a phase
Azizah Shariff, mother of three aged 13 to 20, says that there is only a slight problem with her boys who wear their pants low.
“Sometimes they even reveal their boxer shorts,” she says.
She reckons it's a phase that all teenagers go through, citing the 1970s when boys wore tight shirts.
Her daughter has been borrowing her clothes lately and wears shorts mostly.
“In my day, it was hot pants although I didn't wear them, anyway. My daughter is into spaghetti straps. It's just what youngsters wear. I don't really have much of an issue with the way she dresses. I don't really mind, depending on where she is going, because all her friends dress the same way.
“My kids are well grounded. They are quite moderate and don't even overspend on over-the-top clothes. And, because we live in a more liberal neighbourhood, there isn't any problem with the way they dress,” she says.
Azizah is used to her kids telling her “it's the 'in' thing.” But if she feels it's too much – if the shorts are too short, for example – Azizah will tell her kids, depending on where they are going.
Trust them
Azizah trusts her children and their judgment and also has good communication with her kids. So, she does tell them if she thinks they are not dressed appropriately.
“I do face some pressure from those in the community who judge me and my family and expect us to behave and dress a certain way.
“I myself dress in shorts when I am doing chores at home. After all, the weather here is so warm,” she explains.
Limited time offer:
Just RM5 per month.
