I HAVE seen many children in kindergarten and primary school biting their fingernails. My sons, aged six-plus and four-plus, have also developed the habit since last year. It became so bad recently that the skin around their finger tips began to peel off.
I am not too strict with my children. In fact, I have been patiently trying various ways to coax them to quit but none worked.
I even threatened to wrap plasters around their fingers or rub medicated oil on them. I also tried making them fold their arms and sit in a corner and promising to reward them if they stopped completely.
I kept reminding them not to bite their nails every time I caught them doing it. Until one day when the elder boy told me to stop because I irritated him. I was furious. He also said he was trying to stop the bad habit but he just couldn’t help himself. Please help. – Desperate Mum
Nail-biting is common among young children, especially those who have started school. Even two- and three-year-olds are prone to it.
For most, they are unaware of it until someone points it out to them. These kids would absent-mindedly put their fingers in their mouths. They feel comforted by it. And it distracts them from whatever that is bothering them.
In any case, children who constantly bite their nails tend to be anxious about something. They are trying to relieve the tension they are going through.
Observe your children carefully. Do they bite their nails in front of the TV or when they are in the car travelling to school?
Bad habit: For some children, nail-biting is an outlet to relieve fear and anxiety.
Younger children may be imitating someone in the family, such as an older sibling or the adults in their lives.
Parents often regard behaviours such as nail-biting, hair-pulling or head-banging as bizarre, rude or disgusting.
They may want to rid their children of these “negative habits” immediately.
When they do so, they add to their children’s stress and provoke them into doing it even more.
For children, nail-biting is one of the many tensional outlets to relieve fears and anxiety brought on by the daily demands of school or family.
Your elder son has just started primary school. He may still have many concerns about his new school.
He may have a lot to share with you on how he is able – or unable – to tackle these challenges.
Your nagging and threats won’t do. You need to help them find a way to put off nail-biting when they are watching TV, listening to the teacher in class, feeling scared or bored.
Your attempts to intervene may backfire on you. Children at your sons’ ages do not like to be told when they are at fault. They get embarrassed by your negative attention on them.
Give them positive attention and help them learn to express themselves in words. Spend more time keeping those idle hands busy, like having a family craft activity. It may do wonders for the child’s well-being.
Since your boys are old enough, you may want to talk it over with them without using any negative words. Let them tell you their worries or fears. Share with them how you manage yours.
I was once given this suggestion: let the child look at himself in the mirror when he is biting his nails; he may feel aghast at his own image.
The best thing to deal with nail-biting is to do nothing.
Cut down the scolding and spend more time listening to what your children are telling you. When your sons feel confident and happy, they will have less reason to indulge in nail-biting.
Your older child can even come up with a few suggestions to work on himself. Show him your support to do what he thinks is right. Your second son may then be inspired to follow suit.
Ruth Liew is a child developmentalist, Montessori teacher trainer, children’s rights advocate and a mother of two teenagers.
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