Protecting your child from an abusive dad

MY son was born in August last year. His father beats him out of anger, slapping the baby’s face with his hand, a baby’s sandal or plastic wristband. This happened when my son was two months old. 

According to my husband, he just wanted to teach/control his son by pinching his body and slapping his face almost every day or whenever he sees him. My son is afraid of his father. He seldom smiles at his father. Neither does his father smile at him. – Concerned mother 

Your husband is abusing your infant son. There is a difference between discipline and child abuse. Discipline of a child is never carried out in anger. His behaviour towards your child should not be tolerated and immediate action should be taken to protect your son and stop the abuse.  

Talk to someone and seek help. There is counseling for you when you call Child Abuse Helpline at 15999. 

You need to get professional help for your husband who clearly is showing signs of being destructive and violent. He needs to learn to manage his anger and learn positive parenting skills. At the moment, it is imperative that you protect your child from further abuse. 

Discipline of a child means training his character and helping him learn what is right and wrong. Child abuse is deliberately inflicting violence on a helpless child with intention to impair his physical and emotional well-being and development. 

Children do not learn from physical punishment. The first year of life is for the child to develop a sense of trust. An infant’s development thrives on love and security from the significant adults in his life. You can say “no” to babies and toddlers when they are reaching out for breakables or heading for danger. You can remove your child from potentially dangerous areas or distract him with an appropriate activity. 

You should never hit, spank or slap your baby. He is unlikely to be able to make any connection between his behaviour and physical punishment.  

Physical punishment will only turn them into aggressive individuals later on in life. They pick up the idea that they too can use force when they are angry or upset with someone.  

Your child observes the behaviour of adults around him. Parents who expect good behaviour must be such role models. As parents, you will make a much stronger impression on your child when you act confidently and positively. 

During infancy, children learn self-regulation in their feeding, sleep and comfort in a gradual process. Parents must make sure that their babies’ needs are met at all times. They must interact with their children in a peaceful manner, comforting them so that they know they are safe. 

Discipline at this stage means childproofing his environment and keeping him safe. He learns a great deal in a respectful environment. Your day-to-day teaching of positive responses to your child, by talking, caring, forgiving and most of all, loving will lead to his learning of self-discipline. 

Physical abuse will cause your child to suffer from low self-esteem and become fearful of those who around him. There is no learning in discipline for the child in physical abuse. The one who abuses the child only wants the child to submit to his will. He does not acknowledge the child as a person. He only makes up an excuse for his outrageous act as teaching the child discipline. 

Sadly, many inexperienced parents are unable to discriminate between discipline and abuse. Many have gone overboard in hurting their children when they use spanking and any physical force. A vulnerable and helpless infant of two months does not warrant hitting.

As his mother, you need to take action urgently to set about making sure that your child is not abused by his father again. He is frightened of his father because he recognises him as his abuser. His physical scars may heal but if the abuse continues, his emotional scars will last a lifetime.