PARENTS often find their four- or five-year-olds interrupting them with “Listen to me” or “Talk to me”. They would pester their parents until they get their full attention, often acting up when parents are entertaining guests at home.
When this happens, eager-to-please parents drop everything and wait upon their child. The child learns to whine just enough or cry loud enough to get what he want. Parents worry that too much crying may traumatise their child, so they give in to his demands.
Children should be given the attention they need but they should also learn to wait their turn and not interrupt their parents’ conversations. It is never too early for children to learn to share attention.
When parents feel that they should include their children in everything they do, they think nothing of allowing children to take up all their time and attention. Their children control their bedtime, when and what they eat, and where they go for visits. The adults have relinquished all control for the sake of pleasing their children.
I know of a family with a daughter, who gives in to her every demand. They only eat the kind of food that she prefers and nothing else.
Giving the control to children is not going to make things better for everyone in the family. A child as young as one-and-a-half years old, quickly learns that his wishes come first and will develop into a demanding tyrant in a short time.
Children need to learn to respect the wishes of others, and how to share and cooperate with other family members.
Parents must know when to allow their children to interrupt them and when not to. If your child is excited to show you something that he has made, you can pause for a short while to pay attention to him.
But if your child is deliberately interrupting your conversation because he is bored, you can say: “I will finish talking to your father first and then I will listen to what you have to say. Now you can wait patiently for me or choose to do something else.”
When my daughter was five, she once said to me: “I want you only to listen to me. I don’t want you to talk to papa.” I asked her to wait for me to finish my conversation with her father and then I would spend some time with her.
Later, I played with her for a short while and said to her: “I’m glad you waited for me. This made me very happy.”
Children feel confident when their parents do the right thing. Initially, they may protest when you set limits for them but, in the long run, they feel much better when their parents take control of certain things in their lives.
They do not want to rule the roost. They are aware that they are helpless in many ways. They need to learn from their parents how to take control. If parents let their children boss them around, sooner or later, things can get out of hand.
So, what should you do when your child interrupts your conversation with another adult? If your child is only two years old, you could say: “Let daddy and mummy finish talking first and then we will play with you.” As for your preschooler, you can set a time limit. Between the ages of three and five years, your child needs to learn how to wait. If your school-age child interrupts you because she deliberately wants to irritate, you may want insist that she keep quiet or she will have to leave the room.
It is in the nature of young children to be possessive of their parents. When they become preschoolers, they are more aware and get worried when their preferred parent tends to pay more attention to someone else. They may even get jealous of their parents’ relationship.
A four-year-old boy may want to have his mother all to himself. He may get upset when his father comes home from work and his mother spends some time with him instead. The child may act up and try to interrupt his parents whenever they spend time with each other.
In this case, the child is jealous, and the parents should acknowledge his feelings. But they should not give in to him when he behaves negatively. Allow the child his time and give him the attention when he behaves positively. If he uses aggression or rudeness to get his way, his parents must show disapproval and insist that he follow the rules.
Parents can get children to toe the line in the family without using force or threats, and by being attentive and caring.
Parents who understand child development will understand what is going on with their children.
They will observe their children carefully before deciding on the next course of action. When their children start to get into trouble, they should guide them. Children then learn how they should behave without feeling ashamed or guilty.
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