I HAVE an eight-year-old daughter and five-year-old son. My son has asthma. I’m sad to see him with this condition. The doctors said he would outgrow this when he’s older, so I just have to wait and try to stay positive.
I registered my son in a small Montessori school. Due to this sickness, he is frequently absent from school. I want him to socialise with other children.
I had a depressing and negative childhood experience. I would get punished if my grades were not up to expectations. Until now, I still have exam-related nightmares. I once behaved like my mother and punished my daughter who is in Year Two. I got angry at her when she could not remember what she learned.
I am doing my best to change my parenting style. I have attended parenting talks and read several books on raising children. I am trying very hard not to be like my mother.
It is a struggle to stay positive when I feel so unhappy. How can I raise happy and positive children when I have difficulty in being happy? – Sad Mother
We learn to be parents from our parents. Many parents today lament that their childhood was not a happy one. They carry the emotional baggage to their own family.
There are mothers who are angry that they were abused as children. Instead of letting their anger destroy their chance of happiness with their own families, these mothers decided to set things right and correct the mistakes made.
You have two beautiful children, a boy and a girl. Your son is having childhood asthma. The doctors have already assured you that your son will outgrow his asthma. Join a parent’s support group for childhood asthma. You will find other parents who can share your joy and pain of looking after a child with asthma. When you feel supported and understood, your burden will be lighter.
Your daughter is making a lot of mistakes because it is part of her learning process. You are now aware of what is good for your children. All you have to do is apply what you know.
Children do better in school when their parents are involved in all aspects of their lives.
Be available to your children when they need your support and help. Express pride in what they can do and have the confidence that they will become respected and responsible adults.
When you focus on the small efforts your children put in, you will realise how marvellous they are in what they do.
Savour your children’s childhood and start creating happy memories for you and your family. Take charge of your life. Happiness can be created by your own actions.
Harvard University found that successful mothers who did well in raising children with positive attitudes were secure, reassuring, and communicative. These mothers knew just what to organise in their children’s lives. They knew when to make time for themselves as well as their families.
They allowed for moments when children needed comforting and answers to their questions. They did not expect their children to be in top form and at their best behaviour all the time.
They were firm in disciplining their children as well as showing them affection. You are your children’s first teacher and mentor.
You can have fun with your children without losing control. They will learn better when they see you relaxed and happy. Your children will be open to the values that you want to hand down to them when you talk, eat, pray and read together.
Instead of using words like “Don’t” and “You can’t’ to your children and yourself, you can try looking at the present situation and find words that can positively describe it. Here are some encouraging phrases you can use: “You are trying your best to learn this new skill,” “I know you can walk slowly and carefully indoors,” “You can help me with the dishes,” and “Soon you will feel better.”
At the end of every day, count your blessings with your children.
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